Holding her with open hands…

I remember when we brought Zoe home from the hospital at 3 days old. It didn’t seem like we should be allowed to just walk out with this tiny human, fully responsible for her life. I put her bassinet next to my bed and woke up several times each night, frantically feeling to make sure…

My Story

I am one of those people who had her life planned out at age ten. Become a teacher, get married, have kids. And life pretty much followed. I went to Hope College, became a teacher in Allendale, married Sam, and had two kids – Zoe and Eli. Last summer, Sam and I decided it was…

Birth Story – Part 2

“For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful,  I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14 Ivy came with one push at 1:19 pm on July 5th, 2018. She cried immediately and was able to be put right on my chest. After…

Seek the Planner, Not the Plans

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be…

How are you doing?

“God when You choose to leave mountains unmovable… Give me the strength to be able to say it is well with my soul. I know you’re able and I know you can, save through the fire with your mighty hand but even if you don’t, my hope is you alone. I know the sorrow and…

Hands and Feet

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger…

Letters

My sweet Willow Hope, It has been two months since I learned that you had gone to heaven and I would never get to hold you in my arms here on this earth. Your mommy’s heart has never been so shattered. For awhile, I was in denial. I kept thinking that there was still a…

Words of Truth

Can I be honest here? One of the hardest things about the journey I find myself on is trying to reconcile the immense grief I have over the loss of our precious baby, with the fact that I am still carrying a healthy little girl. My belly is expanding (perhaps a bit more rapidly than…

Learning the Ways of Grief

“Have mercy on me Lord, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by my sadness.” Psalm 31:9-10​ Somehow until the past few months of my life, I was oblivious to this verse. In fact I feel like…